The sun is in my eyes today begging for attention.
At todays impasse in the marathon of life every path leads to one mans home, and tonight we drive together but go nowhere.
Pop culture and its waves of dead entourage is with us-
in the plaza of the setting sun.
I am a sparrow disguised as a hawk sneaking from their eyes.
Youre alone, and Im alone, so lets go home tonight.
You could take off my costume only if we could both hide our dark intentions.
Where is vanity locked in this dark room?
Well bask in the voices of the saints,
to circle us in safety so we may move safely in smoky waves like birds of the night sky.
And the lights that lead us home, their only wish is to distract us, but-
Pick no fight with their mask of altruism: the dark is much worse.
In the darkness wed find the truth of the rumors weve always been told, and the truth is more than the worst of what weve ever heard.
But for now we are just two souls stuck in each others revolving doors of friends and lovers and grayscale between sex and conversation.













Comments
To me it brings to mind the choice between the saintly life and all its standards and rules and rights and wrongs, and the freedom of no religion or standards and only ones choice to guide them.
I may be wrong in my above observations, but I did enjoy reading the poem.
for example:
Well turn to the voices of the saints; let them circle us in safety so we may move safely in smoky waves, like the birds of the night sky.
may or may not work better as something like.
We'll turn to saints voices,
circling,
moving us safely in smoky waves,
like birds of the night sky.
though i could see why you'd want to keep that line as is.
but yeah, awesome. favourited.
--
music: [link]
I was consciously drawing lots of lines between the light and dark- ill tell you that
and yeah I agree it could do with more hacking away, everything I write could always be lighter, and I'm glad you took the time to change that sentence for me, and I think I will trim it a bit, but not in the way you did, just because I want to keep the melody as constant and rhythmic as I can.
i'm not sure if you intended on this,
but there's quite a repitition with the word "dark"
maybe use a substitute for a few
and what you're trying to say will come out stronger
Previous PageNext Page